dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
