I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you inspire me to be a worse person
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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