walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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