Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
