it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
