either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
