why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
