Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
