My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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