She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
