Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
