That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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