Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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