Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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