are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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