I cannot find my penis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
