I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
