we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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