I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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