her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
