tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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