I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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