Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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