The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
