I'm laying in your front yard are you home
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She announced her abortion via fbk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
