I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize