You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
