I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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