could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
