If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
