Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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