whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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