I think I died a long time ago.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
