1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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