Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
