proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then he tried to convert me to islam
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
