Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize