Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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