Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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