For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
