Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
