You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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