If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
