I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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