chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize