She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
