i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
