I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm really busy with my period
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