Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
