DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
