Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
