i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
