please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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