he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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