So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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