the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
