just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
