Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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