they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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