I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize