He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
