we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
