And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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