I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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