And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
