I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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