you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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