why didn't you poke me back
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
