I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
