p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
