he thought i was a dude.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize