You just made me feel so damn special
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
