Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just had sex bonerless
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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