theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize