Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
