I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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