this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
