Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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