foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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