My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize