At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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