is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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