Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
