Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
