I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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