does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
