Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
