omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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