This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize