Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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