I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
