You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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