so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
