she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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