the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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