I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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