I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
