yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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