mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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