he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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