I will die if light touches me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
