It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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